LexRides

[miss ability]

from stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!

But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.

White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. It’s really not more complicated than that.

And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of $5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work. Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always “performance.”

For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how she used to do all of these things when she was younger.

And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.

[miss ability]

Just fyi, i was posting this only because it also applies to me and i found it humorous. maybe you will to?

[iridetoobs]

it pisses me off because it directly speaks to me as a white hispanic, and its true..........

[jakubtoborek]

I'm only 57% white according to them. It must also be biased against eastern Europeans.

[brokebike]

I'm 100% white chocolate with a sprinkle of coconut bits mixed in. I'm not offended, but if I were to run into the "stuff white people like" guy in a bar, I'd probably punch him in the nads... just for turning frat boy humor into a coffee table book and getting rich from it.
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[sfh]

I do find the "stuff white people like" lists to be funny but I'm with brokebike; there is NO WAY that the person(s) who writes this stuff is not a total douchebag (who needs to be punched).

[alex]

[miss ability]

but he is on a bike! does this lessen his asskicking, or increase it?

[jakubtoborek]

Considering he is rather self depreciating his ass kicking should be less severe. Though readers of other blogs, namely BikeSnobNYC, should make fun of him for being cliche, as described by BikeSnob for riding a fixie, and white, as described by himself for being, indeed, white.